The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with all of you.
A few years ago a friend of mine was part of a Catholic young adult faith group. They would meet about once a month. And their format was this: they would get together, mingle and visit a little with some snacks and drinks, and then have a discussion, and close with evening prayer. Their discussion was just this – they would have one word, a word pertinent to faith or living a life of faith, and talk about that word, what it means to them – really means… what their experience of it is or has been… what they hope or long for about it… Not a prepared catechism deep dive or lecture. Something a little more dangerous and personal. And she told me these were the first three sessions: Grace. Love. Fellowship.
I thought what would I share if I were in a group of friends if it were my turn.
Grace. I guess I used to think about grace as some mysterious force or power that would in some supernatural way infuse me or enrich me or empower me. Or maybe it was like a blessing I would ask from God, or get from God. How did I get it? Sometimes I prayed for it. Sometimes I hoped the sacraments would give it to me. Sometimes that really would happen for me. When I would stop fidgeting trying to manage it all, and let myself be held in God’s hands, cared for by God, and be rooted in God… my heart would change. It would soften. It would grow. It felt stronger, more at peace. More myself. Me at my best, or at least at my better. The strengths and the imperfections as I uniquely am – but as a gift. You have something to offer, to contribute, that matters. Someone who is grace-ful has a poise, a balance, a stability, a beauty, in a right and ready relationship to everyone and everything around them. A grace-ful person can really help others around them who have lost their balance, their control, to become more in tune. Grace lifts me up. Or at least holds me up.
Love.I think this leads me to the next thing. Grace was given to me through love, by love… by being loved. I was loved into a state of grace. To be loved, to have my person, my self, seen, heard, honored, cared about, cared for, appreciated, delighted in, chosen – even in all my mistakes and flaws. As if I mattered to someone. As if they would want to be around me, or with me. When I go to pray, I don’t often pray very well, but just to have a moment with God, to be loved… and to love God… and together to go into the world with love, to share with someone else. Grace was almost in the very act of love – of being loved, and of loving, being an agent of love living through me – that calls me out of myself, into something more, as or with something more. To help me give of myself, to be a gift to someone.
Fellowship.I am no longer alone. I am no longer just me – I am with. I am a part of something bigger than myself, that is more than just me… we. Another way to put it is communion. Or friendship. My life is more because of friendship. I am more because of friendship. Fellowship is where you are wanted. Where they are glad you are here. In friendship you become someone, who is received. I am most me in friendship. With others. For others. With God. For God. Graced moments are often where you become really present to someone, with someone. A sense that this is a sacred moment, what is happening is important. The person you are with is important. Not in the mindset of drudgery, but where you are glad to slow down, take time, and give yourself fully, and be open more fully. Fellowship means that I will do right by my friend, what would help or encourage her, even if I don’t get anything out of it. I can’t carry her burden, but I can carry her. Fellowship means one person uses their strength to help another person move farther than they could on their own. It means you are bound to each other in some way, and are called to be responsible for each other. Maybe a little different than mother-hood, or father-hood, fellow-ship means there is a reciprocity, together. Fellowship means when you hurt, I hurt… and I am moved to act for you, with you. It also means you are able to share your emotions with someone, trusting someone.
Fellowship is both what I long for, and where I find myself. And it is difficult! Because of my own sin and sinfulness – ego, pride, whatever you might call it, that gets so offended, so irritated by someone. Is it easier or better to just be on my own? Separated from people who make life uncomfortable or mess things up??? People who just need a friend. Who need friendship. Who will be their friend?
I am back to grace. I can’t have fellowship without God… without love, through Jesus, through the Holy Spirit. And then I am back to fellowship… I can’t have grace, or love, without relationship. Just as all sin is social – attacking and tearing at relationship and impacting relationship in the context of relationship… grace is also social – from and in and for relationship.
Grace… Love… Fellowship… It is a gift. A gift cannot be attained, or achieved, or earned. It is given. It is received. Received humbly, gratefully, with care, and with a promise that it not be in vain, and a hope that it bears fruit. It is a gift that comes in unexpected ways, even in unwanted ways sometimes. The ways that God uses to really get at me, get to me, around all my perfect arrangements of being good, or trying, or keeping up a good face. It is from the heart, from the heart of God… to the heart. So it is vulnerable. Personal. Fragile. But Powerful. It often comes through other people, in ways they do not even know or are aware of. It comes from the Source of Grace, of Love, of Fellowship, that is God.
There have been plenty of times that I tried to live as if a Christian, by myself, on my own. Not only did it hardly work, it is hardly Christian. And hardly filled with the kind of joy that happens with God, and with others. The true Christian life begins with and in and through grace, love, and fellowship. I love that this is how we begin our liturgy: with calling upon the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit – to be gathered in God, acting in the grace of God, and love and fellowship of God, and to be sent as signs and instruments of that.
Here’s the thing about this. This was just my sharing from my heart and my thoughts and experience. It may not be a complete picture. Not only incomplete, it may be inaccurate or wrong! Or it might be ok, but not how you have known it or experienced it. You might have another way of putting it. What would it be for you? I’d love for you to tell me. I would love to hear your thoughts, or images, or experiences – if you email me at chris.tsnewman@gmail.com or on the parish facebook group. Or have a conversation with someone else. Or even talk to God about it. What would it be for God? What does it mean to God? What does God hope for about it? Look at the readings for today again. How does God show, or share, grace, love, fellowship?