During my seven years as pastor at Our Lady of the Lake in Lake Ozark, I would go to Lake Regional Hospital every Thursday afternoon to visit the Catholic patients. The weekly roster would vary from eight to twelve Catholics each week. The parishes surrounding the Lake shared in bringing communion each day to patients in the hospital in the morning, and the priests of the four parishes would visit throughout the week to offer the sacrament of the sick. Times of illness are exceptional moments of grace. Our physical weakness can open us to God’s mercy as we face the limits of willpower, science, and our own mortality. Time and again I witnessed the power of the Divine Physician in the face of human frailty. 

My visits to the hospital allowed me to encounter many people whom I would never otherwise see. In particular, I noted that about half of the folks I visited were not actively participating in the Eucharist and parish life at the Lake. The paths away from the Church are as varied as the rivulets that form at the deltas of the great rivers of the world. Often, the disaffiliation took place in their youth as they moved away from home. A particular dynamic for the folks at the Lake is that they moved there some time ago and never managed to get connected to a local parish. Through the years, I  helped many reconnect with their Catholic faith. A simple encounter in the hospital has brought many back to the Church.
 
The most well-worn path away from the Church was that of someone whose marriage ended in divorce. The particulars may vary, but the common theme was that a divorce is not only the rupture of the relationship between spouses. The entire web of relationships with family, friends, community, and faith are affected. Divorce changes everything. One particular aspect of divorce is that one of the spouses and frequently both, is going to move. Moving from one community of faith to another is going to require effort to re-engage, an effort that often isn’t prioritized as the immediate impact of the dissolution of a household takes place. So the change in social framework after a divorce requires intentionality to stay connected with the Church.
 
My experience has been that at least one spouse is going to leave the community. It is very rare that I have encountered both former spouses attending the same church after a divorce. When we take into account the faith development of the children in a crisis situation, we can only begin to appreciate the profound impact that a divorce has on each member of the family’s faith. 

Divorce, in and of itself, does not necessarily mean that you can’t participate in the sacramental life of the Church. Divorce doesn’t automatically excommunicate you! Often people don’t realize this. But the consolation and strength of the sacraments gets lost in the turmoil of life after a divorce. Add to this a remarriage that would require an annulment, and folks just meander away from the Church, taking the path of least resistance.
 
I’ve been in Kirksville for 19 months and have recognized that here too divorce is a common component of disaffiliation from the Church. One of the tasks of a revitalized Social Concerns Commission is to support an outreach ministry to divorced Catholics. We will be seeking parishioners who are interested and willing to assist in building out this important ministry. At this time, I’m taking this opportunity to encourage all parishioners to pray in regard to this effort. First that the Lord may guide us. Second, that the Lord awaken in the hearts of those who are estranged from the faith because of circumstances surrounding a divorce a desire for peace and reconciliation. Third, that every adult parishioner ask God to point out how they can assist in our efforts to build a bridge to divorced Catholics and walk with them on the journey to God’s grace.

Over the years, I have become familiar with Vincent Frese, who has developed one of the most powerful and effective ministries of outreach to divorced Catholics. He published a very powerful letter to Pope Francis and the bishops of the world in October 2014 offering his advice for the Church in ministering to divorced Catholics. That letter can be found in its entirety at his website, vincefrese.com. I would like to quote a part of this letter as a way of summarizing what we need to accomplish in our own outreach ministry to make “a divorce recovery ministry a standard offering at the parish level.” This is what needs to happen:

•Embrace Catholics from the earliest stages of divorce, and throughout the following recovery, rebuilding, and renewal phases, where they can experience the compassionate and merciful love of Christ in the context of the sacraments and the Catholic faith. The more welcome divorcing Catholics feel from the very first time they approach the Church, and throughout their entire divorce experience, the less likely they will ever leave. Plus, the more engaged they are with the Church, the greater the opportunity to minister to them and help them stay close to the sacraments—the very thing that will bring them the greatest healing. (If you have to go through a divorce, thank God you are Catholic!)

•Provide a place where they are made to feel welcome in the Church and are encouraged to participate in church life, especially the Mass and the sacraments.

•Provide spiritual guidance, by a priest or other qualified person, to resolve any issues specific to their circumstances that might inhibit their receiving the sacraments.

•Assist with providing counseling, or referral to a qualified Catholic counselor. Sadly, it is far too common that Catholics experiencing separation or divorce are referred to non-Catholic counselors, who, while certainly trying to do good, don’t support the Catholic beliefs regarding the permanence of marriage. As a result, in an indirect way, the Church is contributing to Catholics leaving the faith.

•Be a resource to teach the divorced Catholic about the annulment process and answer any questions they might have to eliminate confusion and mitigate any potential feelings of rejection.

•Provide long-term support to divorced Catholics. Divorce recovery takes time—often a long time. The Church needs to accompany divorced Catholics on this uncertain and painful journey so they can experience full recovery. Further, this is another opportunity to form and catechize Catholics in their faith. Recovering from divorce is typically a time of reassessment of life’s meaning and purpose. Being reintroduced to the beauty and truth of the Catholic faith offers the divorcee the opportunity to realign their life around this faith. This will create more vibrant, committed, and joyful apostles, elevating the entire Body of Christ.

•Provide similar levels of support and outreach to single parents as the Church does for unwed mothers. Divorce is devastating financially. This affects single parents in particular as they often face significant financial hardship raising children with greatly reduced income. This is further compounded if child support payments are delayed or stopped. This financial pressure often causes single parents to seek out remarriage as a means to alleviate this pressure and provide security for their children. This motivation is a cause for marriage outside the Church. It is not uncommon for Catholics that have pursued this route, to want to return to the Church once the initial financial uncertainty has passed. Providing support and outreach from the start of a single-parenting situation will make the Church a place of refuge, instead of a relationship outside the Church. Further, marriages established with these types of unhealthy motivations have a high failure rate and perpetuate the cycle of divorce.

•Provide support for kids experiencing divorce. Parents will often seek help for their children to cope with divorce before seeking help for themselves. If the level of divorce support in Catholic churches is poor for adults, it is even worse for children. This forces Catholics to seek help outside the church, typically from Protestant churches. As mentioned above, Protestant churches wealth of programs draws divorced Catholics away from the Church. Offering vital divorce support programs for adults and children will keep them close to the faith.
In the coming months, we will be providing more information and opportunities to our parishioners as we enlist their help in starting the conversations that lead to healing and reconciliation.  Recall that Jesus Christ himself modeled a conversation with someone whose marital life was in shambles. Jesus was thirsting for her faith. The Samaritan woman had no idea that she had anything to give to Jesus. But she did. In that conversation Jesus awakened in this woman the deepest longing in her heart that she never knew existed, her longing for unity with God.